I Know This Much Is True About Marriage (after seven years of marital chaos followed by thirteen years of matrimonial bliss...all with the same man)

Recently, I did one of the more fun Pastor's Wife things. I hosted a wedding shower! At this church, I've learned there are some traditions that must be followed, including offering a devotion - or meditation - for the bride. Here's what I've come up with:

Here you are, at the end of one life and the beginning of another. Stars in your eyes, love in your heart, and…well…hormones all excited. You dream of what will be. What you’ll look like on your wedding day, what he’ll look like on your wedding day. Will you cry? Will he cry? Will you be able to recite your vows without stumbling all over yourself? Will it be everything you’ve imagined?

A wise man I know (my husband) calls this place where you stand The Land of Love. It’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever have hard times, disagreements, tight finances, burned casseroles, misunderstandings, or fading romance. But after every wedding comes a marriage, and the two are not the same. Not at all. It takes work to make a marriage work.

Trust me, I don't always do it right, but here’s what I’ve learned over the years about working to make a marriage work:

1. Make this a marriage of three: you, your spouse and God. Keep God first in your marriage. It’s a no-brainer, but easy to forget. He cares about your communication, your passion, your finances, your future, your pantry, your roof and garage door, your children, your pets, your paint choices, your casseroles, your health, your heart, your soul, and your life. Pray together. Worship together. Grow together.
2. God was serious when He talked about “leaving” and “cleaving.” It sounds old-fashioned and nobody really says it anymore, but it makes sense. All it means is this: When you get married, you leave your parents’ house, or your life as an independent single person making it on your own, and cleave to your spouse. The way you used to do things doesn’t count anymore. It’s time to establish the way you’re going to do things as a couple. Take some of the stuff you’ve learned, some of the stuff he’s learned, and some of the stuff you’ve learned together along the way, and make things work for the two of you. It doesn’t really matter if your parents approve, or if your friends think you’re crazy. If it works for you, if it makes God look good, and if it’s legal, it works.
3. Encourage your spouse. Never speak negatively about your spouse to anyone outside of the marriage. If he leaves the toilet seat up and it gets on your nerves, talk to him, not your girlfriends.
4. Keep dating.
5. Sometimes you’ll be too tired NOT to let the sun go down on your anger. When you disagree (and you will), know that this disagreement probably won’t dissolve your marriage. Commit together to work through it. To talk it out. To hope and believe the best in one another. Remember that some things just won’t get settled in one afternoon or evening. Don’t hold a grudge. Remember that you two love each other. But if you’re tired, and the hour is late, go to sleep. Agree with one another that you will sit down again the next day and continue to work at this thing until it’s been figured out. And don’t forget, when the dust settles, to make up – that’s the fun part. Speaking of which…
6. Sex is God’s gift, and what a great gift it is! Forget about what you’ve read, what movies you’ve seen, what you’ve experienced – whether good or bad. God means for us to enjoy sex with our spouse, and I suggest you do just that. Let yourself go. Talk through the tough spots and communicate about what you appreciate. Sex is fun! Enjoy the good times. Be faithful to one another. Don’t allow anything to take the place of your relationship with your spouse. Love and be loved in return.
7. Keep the relationships in order:
• First is your relationship with God. You will spend eternity with Him, so it
will be good to be familiar with Him and Him with you.
• Second is your relationship with your spouse. When all of the children are grown and gone, your spouse will still be sitting across from you at the kitchen table. It will be a good thing if that person is your good friend who is madly in love with you, and not a stranger.
• Third is your relationship with your children. Be their parent, they’ll have enough friends. Raise them always with the knowledge that they are created to change the world, and will leave your house to do just that. Teach them about faith and love them unconditionally. Pray with them and pray for them. Teach them to give, and to graciously receive. Don’t be afraid to discipline them with love, and never react in anger. And when the time comes, release them freely to pass through the Land of Love and start a family of their own.
8. Counselors are our friends. No one has all of the tools they need to make a marriage work. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you’ll be able to get advice from a family member, a close friend, a Pastor, or another mature person you know. Sometimes those people will be too close to you to be able to offer sound counsel. That’s why God called some people to go to school and get their degree in counseling. In my opinion, it’s a sign of weakness to know you need help, and not ask for it. If you get stuck in your marriage, ask for help. And don’t be afraid or ashamed to go to a counselor.
9. Say you’re sorry. When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry. Do it first. Don’t wait. Don’t pout. Don’t hold a grudge. Just say it.
10. Don’t abuse. Be kind. Be gentle. Be patient. Don’t talk at your spouse. Don’t talk down to your spouse. Never inflict or accept violence – physical, verbal, or otherwise. Always show respect. And if you’re not safe, tell someone and get out.

So that’s it. It’s funny how it became a list of ten things. I guess it could be considered The Ten Commandments Of Marriage. I’m sure you’ll get more advice along the way. And you’ll add to this list as you go. That’s fine. But consider this a start. And a sincere prayer that your marriage will be a blessing to you both, that the world will be blessed because of your marriage, and that you will always be open to allowing the Spirit of God to mold and to shape and mend and to grow you both as you become one.

Did I miss anything?
What would you add to the list?